December is always an interesting time for interfaith families. With so many holidays to celebrate, it’s never simple. But I’ve discovered that this complexity has brought an unexpected richness to this time of year. As our son grows from an infant with no idea of what is going on, to a little boy fascinated by everything, we’ve had to constantly rethink how we celebrate the holidays. This has lead to constant discussions about our different traditions, and what they mean to us. Do we have a Christmas tree? Who lights the menorah? And the big question: what about Ruldoph? While some people might cringe at all that talking, we’ve found that it has not only made us better understand our spouse’s traditions, it has helped us grow to appreciate our own even more. We have decided that even though our kids will be raised Jewish, they will not be raised in a vacuum. We’ll raise them with an understanding and appreciation of both sets of traditions. Our house will have both a tree and a menorah, because that is who we are — an interfaith family with double the tradition of most families. We will teach them that that extra richness is a blessing, and not something to be hidden. It helps that our extended family not only supports us, but looks to our interfaith family as a great excuse to throw even more holiday parties. Celebrating both holidays enriches our family, and makes this time of year with its blending of tradition and family even more special and meaningful.
Happy Holidays, Happy Hannukah, and Merry Christmas to you all.
For a variety of perspectives on the holiday, you might want to check out InterfaithFamily.com’s December Holiday Resource Page.
I want to share with you a bit of advice my wife and I were given on our wedding day. After months of frantic planning, the day had finally arrived., not without a little stress. A good friend of ours pulled us aside. She told us to take a moment in the middle of the reception, to stop worrying about which tables you visited or if the dessert tray was on time. Instead, go to the edge of the hall, and just watch the party for a few minutes. Look at all of your friends and family, gathered together, and having fun. Take a moment to realize how much they are enjoying this event that you created together.
That’s it, that’s the advice. And it was the best advice we had. As my wife and I realized, a wedding is the only party when the guest of honor is expected to do all the planning — but never forget that YOU are the guest of honor, not the host. Once the day comes, forget all the plans, and be sure to relax, breathe, and enjoy the day.
This morning I received this wonderful email from one of my customers:
(Our ketubah) is so beautiful! Mike and I read it to each other and it took everything I had not to cry on it. Thank you so much for adding so much beauty to our wedding and our lives.
– Lauren and Mike
What a great way to start the week!
I get asked by a lot of interfaith couples how they can make their ketubah reflect both of their traditions. Often the best way is to write your own text. Writing your own words gives you the chance to have your ketubah express a very personal statement about who you are, and what your wedding represents to you. My wife and I did this for our own ketubah. We began by doing a lot of research, examining the traditions of our religions and reading books on other wedding vows and blessings. We collected everything that “resonated” with us, and expressed what we believed. We then worked together to combine these into one very personal and unified statement.
By going through this process, we learned a lot about each other and about ourselves. This was one of our first tasks as an interfaith couple, were we really had to think about what being “interfaith” would mean. Since we came from different religions, we couldn’t casually rely on our traditions, safely assuming that we both had a similar understand about marriage. Instead, we actually had to think hard about what marriage meant to us. We had to learn what our different traditions said about love and marriage, and discuss how they were similar and how they were different. By having to explain our own traditions, I believe we learned more about what they actually meant to us. We learned about what was important, and what didn’t really matter. We often discovered that some traditions we had never though of before actually held great meaning for us, while others just didn’t matter. We learned how to listen to the other, learn from each other, and see both the similarities and the differences. It made us stronger as a couple, and more prepared for our wedding.
I received another wonderful email from a customer of mine:
My husband and I just wanted to thank you for the beautiful ketubah. We were using your ketubah for our renewal of vows, as we had never signed a ketubah in our original interfaith wedding ceremony. The rabbi thought the ketubah was so beautiful that she incorporated it into the service! Rather than have it signed in a private room as is usually the case, she called all of our guests onto the bimah to see it, read it aloud, and had a public signing. Your ketubah was one of the most complimented parts of our special day and will serve as a beautiful reminder of our renewal for years to come. Thank you. It was a pleasure to work with you from beginning to end and if the rave reviews were any indication, we may be sending some future customers your way!
Sincerely,
Kristen and Adam
