The Modern Ketubah Blog

This is from Alan and Kari, who chose my African Lily Ketubah:

“Thank you for all that you have done. We chose this design because it is modern, and it honestly is a great piece of art that we are thrilled to hang in our house. It is not just a ketubah but truly it is artwork.”

It is always wonderful to hear from my customers, especially when they take the time to send a personal note. I love how Ruth and Paul perfectly expressed the meaning of the ketubah, as both a part of there ceremony, and as a part of their lives together:

“Thank you so much for the beautiful ketubah. It formed the basis of our efforts to incorporate traditional Jewish elements into our civil ceremony. We have framed the ketubah and it will hang in our family home to remind us of the promises we made to each other.”

This guest post was written by wedding photographers Jennie and Dave of Strawberry Road. We met on Third Tribe, an online forum for entrepreneurs, and struck up a conversation. I have guest blogged for them about creating interfaith wedding ceremonies (here and here) and am happy to be able to offer you some of their deep experience on how best to work with your wedding photographer.

Disappointment is something that is rather intangible, or so I thought. While taking a class on management I learned there is a very simple way to express it as a formula. When expectations meet gratification then disappointment doesn’t arise. Conversely, if those two notions of expectation and gratification don’t meet, then blood pressure will rise, and in the case of wedding photography, there will be angry mothers and fathers and bridesmaids that wish they were somewhere else besides your wedding! Dan asked us to write a little something about working with your wedding photographer. I took the angle of ‘working with your wedding photographer to get the images you want!’ After all, the final product is really what it is all about; great images makes for a happy bride, a happy mother, etc. So what can a bride and groom do to make working with the photographer a fulfilling and productive experience?

(1) The process starts before you’ve actually hired your photographer. Don’t hire a photographer simply based on their portfolio! If you love their work and they come off as a drill sergeant to you, you don’t have to guess how your wedding images will come out! Find someone with whom you click. Chemistry is key here. If you don’t like the person taking your picture, more than likely it will show up in your images.

(2) Often times we see brides with expectations of great things from us as photographers. For example a bride may envision a gorgeous sunset shot of she and her new husband. Well, if things are timed such that she and her hubby are on the interstate between the church and the reception during sunset hours, that shot simply can’t happen. Plan ahead, plan contingencies! One wedding Jennie and I shot had us shooting the bride and groom under a lovely gazebo adorned with wild roses running up wood trellises. When we arrived with the couple at the gazebo, we found that city funding to rehabilitate the structure came in a week early and it was torn apart for reconstruction! The bride was a shambles for the next few minutes while Jennie and I scouted for alternatives. We ended up getting some fantastic shots around the park using fountains and gardens, but it was definitely hard for the bride to change her vision of her images mid-day.

(3) Every bride has a list of shots that she desires, a myriad of groups and assortments of people, different locations, fun shots, formal shots, etc. When you look at the list of ‘desired shots’ you hand to your photographer, be realistic. We’ve seen lists as high as seventy-five group shots for a wedding. A great photographer could get all those shots and do it very well if all the people needed for posed photos were lined up, prepared and being absolutely silent. Sounds easy on paper, but then with a wedding, there’s one issue a lot of brides overlook…there’s a wedding/reception going on. People are seeing each other for the first time in years, meeting new people and often times, they’re drinking. The frustration level for photographers usually peaks at this point. We lose our voices, get exhausted chasing people down, and sometimes even frustrate guests as we pry them from conversation, all the while maintaining our composure and ‘going with the flow.’ It would be amazing if you, the bride, informed people of the posed shots you expect them to participate in before the wedding day. After all, if people know beforehand what is expected of them, it is much easier to meet their expectations.

Working with your photographer should be fun. It makes for a more relaxed atmosphere, better creativity and better images. Talk with your photographer about what you expect. Not just what you expect with regards to images, but how the day will flow, etc. Go over times and locations in detail. Let the photographer know where you can be more flexible if time gets tight. Having the little things hashed out before your big day will allow everyone to be more relaxed and provide you with the best images possible. As photographers and business-people, we are constantly trying to make expectations meet or exceed your level of gratification. Communication is probably the most crucial aspect of getting there.

Strawberry Road is a fun and quirky wedding / boudoir photography company co-owned by Jennie and Dave. They’re friends that work very well together. Dave is technical while Jennie is more ‘feel’. Jennie works on a Mac and Dave works on a PC. He drinks coke products while she drinks pepsi, but together they shoot with Canon equipment. They can be found on their website or Facebook.

One of my customers emailed recently, wondering if my very popular Autumn Gold Ketubah (which is a vertical design) was also available as a horizontal version. They loved the imagery of the ketubah, but preferred a horizontal ketubah for their home. I thought this was a great idea so I decided to see if I could make it for them. Every ketubah I make is closely connected to the photograph they are based on — whether they are horizontal or vertical depends on the subject of the photograph, and how the text can interact with the artwork. After spending some time reworking the design, I was able to transform the Autumn Gold ketubah into a horizontal ketubah, that I think is just as beautiful as the original.

The original version of the Autumn Gold Ketubah

The new horizontal version of the Autumn Gold Ketubah

I am very happy how this turned out, and am pleased to be able to offer this ketubah in both designs. It was also wonderful to be able to help Iris and her fiancé find the perfect ketubah for their home.

I recently read a post by the bride Diorable as she described how she was planning her interfaith wedding. She talked about how they were choosing the traditions they would have in her ceremony, to make it fit the personality and beliefs of her and her fiancé. As she described it: “This isn’t a sundown thing with a ketubah. We are absolutely cherry picking.”

I applaude Diorable’s creativity and drive to create a ceremony tailored to them. The whole point of the wedding is that it is a ceremony of two people coming together as one, and it therefore needs to reflect who those two people are.

“Cherry-picking” traditions is a common way to construct an interfaith wedding ceremony. When my wife and I were planning our wedding, we also cherry-picked different aspects of our combined Jewish and Catholic traditions for our wedding. This let us honor our traditions, while defining our own combined values. We had two friends sing a modern version of the Seven Blessings. Another friend read an updating translation that I wrote of the famous Corinthians passage “Love is patient, love is kind”. We stood under a huppah as my cousin the priest and our rabbi both gave their blessings. We lit a unity candle, then stomped a glass. Some might find this kind of ceremony a little crazy or inauthentic, but we loved it — it fit us perfectly. It wasn’t a Jewish wedding, it wasn’t a Catholic wedding — it was our wedding.

And of course, even aspects of a ceremony that are considered “very traditional” can be modernized and updated to fit your personality. The ketubah is a perfect example. Many people might still assume that having a ketubah automatically makes a wedding very Jewish or very traditional (as Diorable described it “a sundown thing”). But not any longer. Most of the ketubahs I create are for interfaith and multicultural couples. They decided to add this tradition to their ceremony, but didn’t want it to feel overly “traditional”. So they made a ketubah that is modern, inclusive, and very personal.

In our wedding, our crazy combined ceremony worked to bring our two families together in a beautiful and special way. Each side could relate to part of the ceremony, and share the experience of something new. We explained the traditions throughout the ceremony, in simple terms, so that everyone could appreciate the parts they weren’t familiar with. We worked carefully with our rabbi to make sure the ceremony came together as a whole, and that no one felt left out, or confused. And in the end, our families loved it as much as we did. It was as much a celebration of our new marriage, as it was of our families and traditions that helped make us who we are.

Update 2010-03-01: On the blog Fifty Percenters, PrincessMax shared the details of the thoughtful wedding program she created for her interfaith wedding. It is a great example of how you can explain all of the elements of your ceremony to your family and guests, so that they all feel a part of the celebration.