Bryan and Julie are an interfaith couple who are writing a blog about planning of their interfaith wedding. If you are planning your own interfaith ceremony, I suggest you check this out. Their story will give you a perspective on some of the issues and decisions one couple went through, such as:
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The Jewish Journal has a well-written article on interfaith families called “Jewish parent + Christian parent = Jewish kids” by Amy Klein. (Thanks to InterfaithFamily.com for the link.) The article talks with number of couples, discussing what it means to be an interfaith family. It goes on to make an excellent point:
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December is always an interesting time for interfaith families. With so many holidays to celebrate, it’s never simple. But I’ve discovered that this complexity has brought an unexpected richness to this time of year. As our son grows from an infant with no idea of what is going on, to a little boy fascinated by everything, we’ve had to constantly rethink how we celebrate the holidays. This has lead to constant discussions about our different traditions, and what they mean to us. Do we have a Christmas tree? Who lights the menorah? And the big question: what about Ruldoph? While some people might cringe at all that talking, we’ve found that it has not only made us better understand our spouse’s traditions, it has helped us grow to appreciate our own even more. We have decided that even though our kids will be raised Jewish, they will not be raised in a vacuum. We’ll raise them with an understanding and appreciation of both sets of traditions. Our house will have both a tree and a menorah, because that is who we are — an interfaith family with double the tradition of most families. We will teach them that that extra richness is a blessing, and not something to be hidden. It helps that our extended family not only supports us, but looks to our interfaith family as a great excuse to throw even more holiday parties. Celebrating both holidays enriches our family, and makes this time of year with its blending of tradition and family even more special and meaningful.
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I want to share with you a bit of advice my wife and I were given on our wedding day. After months of frantic planning, the day had finally arrived., not without a little stress. A good friend of ours pulled us aside. She told us to take a moment in the middle of the reception, to stop worrying about which tables you visited or if the dessert tray was on time. Instead, go to the edge of the hall, and just watch the party for a few minutes. Look at all of your friends and family, gathered together, and having fun. Take a moment to realize how much they are enjoying this event that you created together.
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I get asked by a lot of interfaith couples how they can make their ketubah reflect both of their traditions. Often the best way is to write your own text. Writing your own words gives you the chance to have your ketubah express a very personal statement about who you are, and what your wedding represents to you. My wife and I did this for our own ketubah. We began by doing a lot of research, examining the traditions of our religions and reading books on other wedding vows and blessings. We collected everything that “resonated” with us, and expressed what we believed. We then worked together to combine these into one very personal and unified statement.
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I went to an interfaith wedding this past weekend. After the ceremony, I was struck by the differences between the styles of the two officiants, how one’s words turned me off while the other’s resonated with me. The first officiant was a very energetic man, grabbing the mike and working the audience. The second officiant was calmer, more mild, and spoke directly to the couple. The first officiant was a “God man” — every other word out of his mouth was “God bless this” and “thank God for that.” I kept getting the impression of a teacher’s pet who compliments the teacher even on the playground, just in case she’s listening. I don’t think the second officiant mentioned God more than a couple times, but his words and manner clearly expressed the holiness of the event.
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